eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
