i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize