I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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