$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
