She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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