It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
