apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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