Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
