At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
