he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
