she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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