I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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