This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize