i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
