I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
