even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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