WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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