If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
