you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
