where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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