Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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