you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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