doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
