guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
