He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
