I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
