I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
