The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its not stalking. its research.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
