Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
