Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just cut my nipple shaving
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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