well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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