why didn't you poke me back
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
