I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
