i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
