He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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