i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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