he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
