I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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