My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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