he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
