I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
