2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There's even glitter on my cock...
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