I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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