i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
