Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
