I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
