and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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