Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
