It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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