Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
