my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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