My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
