I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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