I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize