bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
