ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
