I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
