it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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