shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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