There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
