When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
