I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
