I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
