hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
