Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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