Me. At least after what I've been through.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
