Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
