thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
