i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
