Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
