Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
