i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
