I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
