I understand Curling. That high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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