Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
